thesinger
thepoems
thechords
themelody
thethoughts
you're
my song.
it's been so long.
i never had a chance to play this for you.
cos everytime the music starts,
i always cannot go with the tune.
and then you went away,
now the lyrics seem to stray.
so how can i not love you?
when i live just for you.
you took away the heart in me,
that once beat in harmony.
now, i am torn apart,
feeling unemotional somehow.
sometimes, i can't help but cry.
i miss the way we used to be.
and the sad part,
the song i made,
is just a music that will fade.
and the reasonis you.
steph
this is just an extended page that i'llput poems or random little things in if they don't seem to fit into what i classify as a journal entry:P
but everythingmeans nothing.
~.p.o.e.m.s.~
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
~.b.r.o.k.e.n.~
Cold......Dark......
Alone......no......Lonely......
After all how can one be alone
when one is surrounded by people?
But...being lonely...
being alone in a crowd
One can be a master at that
The best thing about it......or the worst thing about it
Is that no one knows
No one sees
No one cares
Too many questions...
Too many doubts...
Who am i?
Too many facets
to the complication that is me
to the contradiction that is me
that have to be hidden
that need to lurk in the shadows
so They don't know
so They don't see
so They don't hate
Too many masks
I've worn them for so long
I no longer know
what is real
what is me
and what is just that
a mask
to hide the truth
the truth that is me
If they really knew me......
Scared......
of what?
Hate?
Indifference?
Rejection?
I don't know
I never dared to find out
Do they love me...
...or the me I try to be?
There are too many dark sides to me
that whatever small light there is
that might perhaps exist
is lost in dancing shadows
and graceful...silent...suffocating...darkness
Sometimes they see it
when I lose control
and the masks slip
revealing the nothingness inside
Sometimes I wonder
perhaps it would be easier
to commit the ultimate crime
something so dark, so sinful
that I'll finally be condemned
to the eternal darkness I seem to belong to
rather than trying
to find salvation
rather than hoping
that something I do
Might be right
Might be light
enough to dispel
all of the darkness that is me
Some miracle to erase
The nothingness
of the past
of the present
of the future
...That I'll be something...
But it is only a dream...
Aptly labeled a dream
and not reality
Only real in my mind...
...Never in this world...
...Never in my time...
It surrounds me
The darkness
Suffocating..
yet liberating
Intimidating...
yet comforting
They tell me to hold on...
to reach for the light
to turn from the darkness
But I tried......
And now
I'm falling......floating......flying?
.........no.........
I can't fly
not now...
not ever......
Perhaps...
If things had been different
I think I used to......
Sometimes a ... memory?...sighs...
Of the wind in my hair...
Of the rain on my face...
Of soaring in the clouds...
soft...white...pure...
...my wings...
But just a glimpse
teasing me with something
that will never be again
They crippled me
They didn't want me to fly
I was......
Too young...
Too old...
Too ambitious...
Too carefree...
Not good enough...
...Never good enough...
They broke my wings...
Life broke me
I still have them
Crushed.........Filthy.........Weak.........Puny.........Stained.........Useless
Broken
Because I was caged
Stifled
Restrained
they would have been beautiful
would have been everything
they should have been
But they weren't allowed to be
...i...wasn't allowed to be
And now they're...
...a memory...
...a lost dream...
of something they could have been
of something I could have been
Of something I will never have again
Out of reach...
So close...
...and yet...
So far
Perhaps that's what the emptiness is
that part of me
the pieces of me
that are missing
the better parts of me
that I made into masks
to hide what is left
the loss
the lifelessness
the despondency
the desolation
the nothingness that is me
Who am i?
Why am I alive?
Can the meaningless existence
I painfully endure
be called living?
...I do not belong...
Not here...
Not anywhere...
...It seems...
Perhaps that's why I grew wings...
to fly away to somewhere else...
Perhaps to a place I could call home...
...Except They did not let me leave...
Perhaps They tore my wings...
Perhaps They broke me...
to keep me...
...from flying...
...from trying...
And everything now...
Is just a...constant...pointless...reminder
That I was never meant to fly
if i ain't got you|9:29 pm
i've waitedall my life.