but everythingmeans nothing.
~.p.o.e.m.s.~

Tuesday, May 24, 2005
~.S.h.a.d.o.w.~
Insubstantial...
Intangible...
The tenuity...
of me
Living in the shadows...
of everyone
Nobody knows...
not a single one
Always living in dreams...
of dreams becoming reality
Nothing matching expectations...
fulfilled only in fantasy
Will I never be good enough...
Will I never have strength enough...
to step out of the shadows...
into the light...
...or will there be more darkness...
Always outshone...
...outdone...
...outwitted...
Always outside...
Could not fit a stereotype...
In a class of my own...
Too many contradictions...
An affinity with many
A kinship with none
Too strong for the weak
Too frail for the strong
Always in between...
Too wise and too foolish
Too sharp and too kind
Perhaps I think too much...
Perhaps I think too little...
Not dark...
but not light
Just a shadow...
Wavering indecision
Staunch conviction
Shifting like the shadows...
...vaguely...varying...
...restlessly...irregular...
Refusing to conform to uniformity...
...yet yearning to belong...
Should it not suit my form...?
to slip between cracks
to smooth out misshapen angularity
Perhaps not...
I'd still be in the middle
...........................A revelation.......................
Perhaps I am the glue...
to hold people together
But each time I intervene...
I leave some of myself behind...
...unseen......unnoticed...
disregarded as insignificant
...And yet...
When time and troubles
wear away the bond...
They fall apart...
...incomplete in some ways...
without the other...
I hear their cries...
I heed their call...
...and I return...
...I repair...
My job is done...
...so why the despair...?
Have I left too much of myself
too many times
in the tangle of lives around me...
Where is my place...?
...my shelter...
...my solace...
Where can I renew myself...?
Where can I rest...?
...........................A light........................
...It shines...
...It glows...
Realization strikes...
...and I grow...
myself once again
no longer a wisp
but a shadow
So easy to forget...
where to go...
Too many places to fall...
and get so involved...
to get confused...
that I forget...
...My purpose...
...My reason...
So I cling...
as only shadows can
...existing and changing...
...growing weak and darkening...
...Then remembering...
and coming back to the light...
Your word...
...a light for my path...
Your light...
...that makes me a shadow...
and not darkness
That light...
the life of me
I do not need to live in darkness...
.....................Another revelation......................
I was not meant to be a shadow
But a light
The shadow perhaps results from...
...the light softening the darkness...
The darkness struggles over its hold on me...
...predator unwilling to release its prey...
Time will tell...
Experience will bring wisdom...
and I will learn...
...to be a light...
For light is soft too...
and will also hold people together...
better than a shadow can...
for a shadow is inconsistent
But a light...
...it will shine...
and reach the furthest crevices
...will surround and soothe...
Life is hard...
No one said it would be easy...
I doubt... but I trust
I am weak... but He will make me strong
...The darkness lingers and entices sleep...
...But I will awake...
...He will shine...
And I will be a light
The light He meant for me to be
-me-
-15 jan 05-
if i ain't got you|9:29 pm
